


Missing

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama, Episode Related: sentineltoo, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 03:55:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A POV...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't seen S2, though I do have a canon understanding (I hope) of Jim  & Blair quarreling over another sentinel, Jim kicking Blair out of the loft and Blair making out like a dead guppy in a fountain. 
> 
> I guess you can call this piece the aftermath of S2.

## Missing

by Ozzie

Author's disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine.... 

* * *

It is time like this, that death validates living... in a sense. The absence of someone makes us realize their importance, too late. 

The thing is he had always been there. I did not notice it before. He was a part of me that I never understood and perhaps now, I never will. And I've never understood how close we really were. I recall the innocent pats on the shoulders that lingered; the brotherly hugs we shared that spoke more had I listen; his moving into my life in quiet stealth, uninvited but embraced nonetheless. No, I never realize how much he meant to me and how much MORE he could have meant to me if I had let him to be. 

He wrenched from me a deep protectiveness and love I never knew existed and in spite myself, I was almost helpless to refuse him. Yet I could not say that that fault was his alone... 

I wanted it as much as he wanted me to. 

And when that knowledge first came to me, I pushed him away... that part of me that wanted to connect to the people I love, that same part of me that would've laid my tender soul bare and trusting to the world, and for the life of me, I could not allow any of that to happen. Though now I wonder if I should then, for the price I paid did not justify my loss - I have known no peace since the day he left. 

In my denial, I tried to douse him with my pretense and flay him with my undeserved anger. I wanted him to hurt, to feel the chaos he caused in my head and the pain he fired in my heart. And when I did what I did, he stood there unwavering, his faith and love for me unknowingly soothed away my misery. 

I remember his pain, shining out from his eyes... the pain I helped put it there and still he seek more out of an empty hand. 

But like all things, there is a limit to one's pain and I fear I've pushed him well beyond the edge. It was my blatant rejection of him that finally drove him to his silent death. 

I miss him... I miss myself. 

End 


End file.
